on changing my mind, not really

the “cool i”: so i’m doing it, right? because i’m not even really mad or humiliated, i’m just interested in my own anger and humiliation and it’s so removed once i tumblr it. (not just the cessation of humiliation as tranquilizing, but maybe something closer to euphoria. have i already said that after great pain there is not just a formal feeling, but a formalizing feeling? that’s where i’m at.) whatever, i’ve always been one of those people who had to experience it for themselves. this took me 24 hours. i still don’t know that i think it’s more radical—“confrontational,” “useful”—but it definitely feels better. jon would get so mad at my “capriciousness” but i like to work things through (sometimes in public) and i love a microposition.