I feel major feminist boredom when talking about rape. Like it feels bad, it happens a lot, we get it, but I don’t know how to talk about it and not feel tragic in a really trite way.
Whatever violation is borecore
Puke on my face
OK THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE
i can talk about almost all of my traumas and do reference them in a bored way like, oh yeah this because rape, or blah blah my dead dad, or alcoholism or abuse or whatever it’s all boring because it just is
i am because that is
but it really bothers other people like hand wringing like “i’m so sorry” like pats on my shoulder like sotrite and like i don’t want you to be weird about it i just want to be able to talk about it because it doesn’t really matter to me in a context of tragedy, it just is, and we should talk about it because it is, when it’s relevant, not for pathos and not for oppression points or whatever
i hate when people use their traumas for pathos, unless you’re doing it to get a dude to shut up, because shut up dudes
and i think a lot of it is because i never really recognized them as traumas and by the time i did they were so ingrained in my psyche that they don’t feel out of place or like i should identify them in a way that is separate from the healthier parts of my life
it just is
it all just is
and it’s boring
also important. “i don’t want you to be weird about it i just want to be able to talk about it.” this is totally part of why i casually mention my miscarriage and the psych ward so much. so that it is okay that i can mention my miscarriage and the psych ward casually. and so that anyone/everyone can. relevant. also, yes to using it to get dudes to shut up, since fuck you, you actually have no idea and you should know that you have no idea and that your not having any idea is a privilege.
this is why I talk about the mental illness in my family and the abuse I grew up with all the time casually. because I don’t give a fuck if it makes you uncomfortable, life is fucking uncomfortable and shit sucks and if we are ever going to destigmatize those things and make it safe for people to talk about/share/process/relate to one another w/r/t their experiences, that shit starts on an individual level. if we’re ever going to fix or change all of the systems that oppress people we have to understand how these things affect people on an individual basis, how policy decisions trickle down and what we can do to combat oppression on every level. to organize we have to talk about these things and it has to be not weird, it has to go beyond “I’M SO SORRY.” people who have been through these things all understand that it’s not always TRAUMA and OH GOD CRYING and DEPRESSION, sometimes it’s anger and sometimes it’s laughing and sometimes it’s self-medicating and sometimes it’s just nothing, it’s just a thing that happened and it’s a part of you so what does that mean about you? the personal is political, fucking always. if I ever had had an abortion, or if I ever have one, I would/will talk about that shit all the time too. basically, feelings vomit all the time and sometimes you just want to talk about that shit with someone who will just laugh with you about it. laughter as a response to “terrible” things all the time. when I was working at the domestic violence shelter I had some of the best times making terrible jokes with my coworkers. you know? like sometimes shit is just so fucking ridiculous and horrible that it becomes funny.
“ i never really recognized them as traumas and by the time i did they were so ingrained in my psyche that they don’t feel out of place or like i should identify them in a way that is separate from the healthier parts of my life.” - this part especially is so fucking important.