"There are betrayals in my life that I have known at the very moment were betrayals: this was one of them. There are other betrayals committed so repeatedly, so mundanely, that they leave no memory trace behind, only a growing residue of misery, of dull, accreted self-hatred. Often these take the form not of words but of silence… Silence and then amnesia."

adrienne rich, “split at the root” (via beneathbixbybridge)

i remember everything about the first time i read this (1994). 

"First, no one thinks they’ll be defined by disaster until they are. They can sense it on the horizon, but the gamble is a gamble, and you never know. Second, things are so bad, so minimally imaginative for sexual relations, that people tend to do the thing they heard about doing just to keep things going, and if it means poisoning themselves and wearing out their bodies, or being over- or understimulated, even, they’ll do it. I do it. I make better decisions but not different kinds of decision."

Lauren Berlant, For Example (via negationparty)

well, there you go. 

Women are sick of suffering violence. Today they want to express their own violence, matured over centuries of oppression, to exit from immobility, to reappropriate for all the spaces that belong to them.

(Source: pussy-strut)

sl33pcr33p:

hysteriarama:

I feel major feminist boredom when talking about rape. Like it feels bad, it happens a lot, we get it, but I don’t know how to talk about it and not feel tragic in a really trite way.

Whatever violation is borecore

Puke on my face

OK THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE

i can talk about almost all of my traumas and do reference them in a bored way like, oh yeah this because rape, or blah blah my dead dad, or alcoholism or abuse or whatever it’s all boring because it just is

i am because that is

but it really bothers other people like hand wringing like “i’m so sorry” like pats on my shoulder like so trite and like i don’t want you to be weird about it i just want to be able to talk about it because it doesn’t really matter to me in a context of tragedy, it just is, and we should talk about it because it is, when it’s relevant, not for pathos and not for oppression points or whatever

i hate when people use their traumas for pathos, unless you’re doing it to get a dude to shut up, because shut up dudes

and i think a lot of it is because i never really recognized them as traumas and by the time i did they were so ingrained in my psyche that they don’t feel out of place or like i should identify them in a way that is separate from the healthier parts of my life

it just is

it all just is

and it’s boring

also important. “i don’t want you to be weird about it i just want to be able to talk about it.” this is totally part of why i casually mention my miscarriage and the psych ward so much. so that it is okay that i can mention my miscarriage and the psych ward casually. and so that anyone/everyone can. relevant. also, yes to using it to get dudes to shut up, since fuck you, you actually have no idea and you should know that you have no idea and that your not having any idea is a privilege. 

hysteriarama:

If I can’t find rape boring it’s not my revolution.

I have to go fix my hair.

i was telling my ex-boyfriend about being sexually assaulted (??????) in 7th and 8th grade and he kept getting angry at me for being too blase and asking, over and over, “why didn’t you tell the teacher?” and i was like “huh? i was in love with one of them” and “it was complicated” and “because i was 12” and “i don’t tell on people” (to one of the nuns?) and “you know that this happens to girls all the time” and “go watch welcome to the dollhouse” and “why are you trying to control me after the fact?” of course, this is the same person we called “bummer narc” behind his back and who called the cops on me, so.

point is: don’t tell me i’m not feeling appropriately about what happened to my body. not to mention that feeling bored about what happened to your body could also resonate in all kinds of different ways—see feminist boredom tumblr discussion 2012—none of which one should get harassed about. i just fixed my hair, too. 

(skitterypigeon:)

“some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.” 

let’s be honest about why i’m mad at my ex-boyfriend

because it just seems like it would have been so much easier to be like “totally, i’ll go away a different weekend and not on the night that you earnestly asked me to do something you haven’t been able to do for the last twenty years” than all of this “that’s interesting” and “i don’t know, send me his picture” and “i don’t want to go out in that neighborhood on that night but i’ll go a different night” and, most crucially, “did i already tell you the story about how when i was 15 i was at this party in this field and this guy blake came up to me and said ‘i would put my arm around you kara, but it seems like you don’t want guys to touch you’ and i said ‘that’s because i don’t.’?” i totally don’t, get away from me, but okay, fine. 

my second favorite citation?

hysteriarama:

Am I a feminist pick-up artist?

Negging music dudes by telling them that they don’t know a thing about tumblr (true), and to get back to me when they’ve read karaj’s blog (could have been so many other blogs, but karaj is the perfect theoretically-threatening high femme combo).

Also I brought up Lana del Rey in the middle of their borecore sound art music douche talk, and they were dismissive until I bully-flirted them into admitting Video Games’ brilliance, talked at them about feminist boredom, AND coerced them into taking a mini class I’m teaching on feminist affect theory (Quebec is in the middle of a major student strike, and this is part of a free school deal). Told them all their readings are going to be from tumblr, which is false bcuz I’m also assigning the entirety of I Love Dick.

Funnest bullying, so good that I had to blog even though I’m still drunk, more tomorrow after I get back from my hungover early morning Deleuzian daycare shift.

Also do Americans watch Degrassi? Like original Degrassi from the eighties? It’s on my netflix in the Canadian TV section and it’s such a seminal pop culture artifact.

XOXO gossip girl

like an unexpected gift. LOL to so much of this, especially borecore. 

tumblr feminism online and IRL forever

cedars:

sassmadness:

farahjoon:

bubberd:

Oh my god. Farah look at this. our lives. OUR LIVES. 

things I love about tumblr:

• we don’t give each other shit about being online all day because slackerdom is, like, okay
•  the feminists I know and love on here literally don’t give a fuck. they’re unapologetically divisive and I always feel insecure about my separatist vibes, so having folks around whose existences reify radical alienation as theory, praxis, and hobby is super fucking validating 
• also cats

this is so relevant to my life, especially in regards to my excellent weekend with sarah.

Best part of Roanoke was that it was basically Tumblr out loud with alcohol. The number of times Sydney or I said #bullying men or “this seems like something p-strut would like” or “rgr on makeupping changed my life”. The number of times I realized that even though I’m not a central part of this community, and even though I’m new and shit, that these are becoming the reference points by which I understand the world. 

The thing is, I don’t want to listen to mainstream academics talk about Deleuze and Baudrillard and Berlant and Butler. I want all that theory as poached theory, and I want it with all-caps THIS THIS THIS WHAT IS BODIES after it. That’s how I want to talk about things and those are the things I want to talk about.

Need more feminists who don’t give a fuck. Alienation as theory/praxis/hobby/entertainment is everything I want in life.

yes to all this, from shamelessly being online all day to the importance of poached theory. 

(Source: heyfunniest)

okay so i watched the first episode of girls

• it’s about the boring girls i hated in college (ie. most of them).
• it’s about the boring guys i hated in college (ie. all of them). 
• it’s about saint ann’s which is, like, no. this could really be its own post. 
• i actually can’t feel hate that strong anymore. it’s actually not possible, i can’t muster it at all. 
• jemima kirke is super hot. 
• those girls are so boring. it’s an accurate portrayal of them. i couldn’t wait to shed them once i got to new york. it wasn’t that easy, though. clever apolitical vaguely artsy girls can be everywhere if you don’t know where else to look. 
• they remind me of that girl who i once fought with over whether a bird was a poem. she has a farm upstate now or something? i don’t know, she was quoted in styles years ago. a bird isn’t a poem but also who cares. i think the whole argument was staged by and for this guy i had a fake crush on because i was bored and he was there. she had either a real or fake crush on him too, clearly, i have no idea, i never liked her and i really hated her clothes. 
• they didn’t think about race because they are apolitical and took one women’s studies class and said dumb things in it. i was in a women’s studies class once where i had to raise my hand after a group presentation to say that i disagreed with my group. like, literally. “i just want to disagree with what my group said.” i am super loyal. they were total idiots. 
• those guys are the worst. (this post is one of the realest things i’ve ever written. those guys. are. the worst. this is a show about low standards, right? i don’t know, i’ve only seen it once, but i lived it for years.) 
• i hate clever people. i find clever to be a loathsome quality. is it a quality? i hate it. 
• what’s the point of being smart but not intellectual? is there anything worse than being smart? smart and privileged is such an ugly combination. 
• don’t go to oberlin/vassar. go to oberlin/vassar. (actually, don’t, though. skip college and go straight to grad school.) 
• was the second episode better? no hbo show is good until the third episode. 
• i know this from entourage, the only hbo show i’ve ever watched. ooooh, i just got chills, i love entourage.