1. "the real question was whether there was anything to become—and how."

  2. "I write a reader’s diary because reading is writing too. I don’t like talking all the time. This September I didn’t talk — write — very much at all but I read a lot, in the same pell-mell omnivorous way I listened to music as a teenager. It was a gift and a relief, feeling that way again. It was like I stopped believing in magic then revved back up.

    It is important, to me, that a reader’s diary not just be about what’s new, or books, because reader’s diaries are about marking time but also, magical thinking. They are about believing that stories can help you figure out your great life. Help me figure out mine.

    This September was the first month I lived in Denver for real. I read Dylan Thomas’s Under Milk Wood aloud to myself when I couldn’t sleep. I read charts for high-altitude baking and burned the potatoes anyway. I read Kara Jesella’s wedding posts on her Tumblr and wrote her to say I love you. I re-read the final essay in Vivian Gornick’s The End of the Novel of Love because I know it’s important to me but don’t know why yet. I re-read Tina Brown Celona’s Snip! Snip! because it is great. I read Mathias Svalina’s new book Wastoid and Lise Haller Baggesen’s first book Mothernism and Cedar Sigo’s old book Selected Writings, which is on the shelf at Counterpath but sold out from other places. I re-read my favorite poem in Sommer Browning’s Backup Singers, which is about driving through lightning. I read new friends’ old books and if I loved them I said so, which is important.”

    —mairead case, “how to burn potatoes at high altitude,” bookslut 

    i am honored for mairead to have written about my tumblr wedding posts, for them to be mentioned alongside a vivian gornick essay, and to have gotten her “i love you” email, not to mention an actual congratulatory card in the actual mail. i wrote her back—not today, before this—to tell her i love her, too.  

    Tagged #gifts #magic
  3. marc’s family’s friends have been on top of this for months. most of them have made donations in my brother’s name to the trauma center that took care of him a year and a half ago. most of them have sent us gifts, too.

    Tagged #gifts
  4. even if i did not have eight stray eyebrow hairs that i considered for several hours (nonconsecutively) for days, i would have still gone to see jimena before the wedding. it’s only right. we didn’t have much time, since i booked last minute, though she didn’t rush me. she asked if i was nervous and i said yes, about running out of samples of la mer last week, and various intricate family dramas, but not about marriage or marc. i told her about my brother and she said, immediately, “you can’t think about that right now and some people won’t understand.” i said i knew, and agreed, and suspected they didn’t. she looked at my brows and saw exactly what i saw; “you just had to,” she said, adding that one of my former assistants had been to see her yesterday and that they had spent twenty minutes discussing whether the shoulder on celia’s new blazer had been properly tailored. we also said “i love you,” over and over, and she refused to let me pay or even tip. 

  5. so far, on the annual san diego vacation, i have discussed the barney’s salesgirl whose schedule i memorized so that i can ensure she always gets the commission on my purchases; a nuanced theory about why bloomingdale’s failed in dallas as neiman marcus thrived; the cost of manicures and pedicures in different cities and the regularity with which they need to take place; plus eye cream, lipstick, the nordstrom shoe department, and that i’m “not a dessert person,” twice. marc and i babysat, extensively, which included explaining what keggers are, congratulating his 13-year-old niece for choosing to bet on a female jockey the day we went to the racetrack, and praying that the children wouldn’t ask any questions when beyoncé's “partition” came on the radio. sam, who is seven, didn't understand if i am officially “logged in” as part of the family. i said that i am logged in, and that it's almost official. 

    we also discussed the minutiae of our relationship at the pool, at dinner, in the jacuzzi. many of my friends and family members are against marriage, or against diamond rings, or even a little bit against me, so i wasn’t prepared for a week and a half of this kind of indulgence. marc’s family has asked us questions and listened to us talk about the details and theory behind the proposal; our plans for a second home; and marc suggesting i get my ears re-pierced, though i haven’t worn earrings in years, because it would be easier for him to buy me presents. his mom even laughed, and, later, when talking about the hotel in positano we stayed at on our engagement trip, said, “it took me 35 years to get to le sireneuse” and then, sincerely, “i’m in awe.” 

    later, we got the same champagne we drank during that week in italy, and marc’s brother said he hopes that all of our dreams come true, including those we haven’t dreamt yet. it was a lovely and appropriate toast for people who have never really thought about any of this. or at least for me. 

    a friend of mine, recently deciding between two men who were courting her, said of one: “he’s offering me what your fiancé is offering you. a whole world.” 

    Tagged #dreamers #gifts

  6. "woolf often conceives of life this way: as a gift that you’ve been given, which you must hold onto and treasure but never open. opening it would dispel the atmosphere, ruin the radiance—and the radiance of life is what makes it worth living. it’s hard to say just what holding onto life without looking at it might mean; that’s one of the puzzles of her books. but it has something to do with preserving life’s mystery; with leaving certain things undescribed, unspecified, and unknown; with savoring certain emotions, such as curiosity, surprise, desire, and anticipation. it depends on an intensified sense of life’s preciousness and fragility, and on a heisenberg-like notion that, when it comes to our most abstract and spiritual intuitions, looking too closely changes what we feel. it has to do, in other words, with a kind of inner privacy, by means of which you shield yourself not just from others’ prying eyes, but from your own. call it an artist’s sense of privacy."

    joshua rothman’s new yorker essay on virginia woolf’s idea of privacy is the best thing i’ve read in ages. 

    It rings especially poignant in the context of her own conflicted inner life, from her exuberant appreciation of the world’s beauty to her intense capacity for love to the deathly despair of her suicide letter.

    (via kerryalaska)

    (Source: explore-blog, via kerryalaska)


  7. on our two year anniversary, an email exchange from 7/2/12

    1. lg: what are you wearing for your dattteeee tonite?
    2. kj: i am not wearing anything fancy. i literally put no effort into my outfits. im wearing the same thing i wore on friday. its, like, a tube dress over a tight dress and gold miu miu heels. i think i wore this outfit all weekend actually.
    3. lg: dude, your no effort is probably the best theyve ever seen a woman in their entire life. its like a gift, really.
  8. new tablet to take pictures with, old dress i yelled at the cops in. 

    Tagged #gifts
  9. for the josé muñoz lover/mourner in your life. but not for barbara, tavia, karen, or ann, because i already got it for them. here

    Tagged #gifts

  10. hi!

    oh so i was stalking yr tumblr just now and reading it backwards, the parts about marc telling you to bring an umbrella first and then the one about having an umbrella at josé’s memorial second; that one-two made me cry. 
    and so instead of crying at my desk at 10p on a friday night, sigh: are you doing OK?  i imagine you studied with josé and have heard he could be super-crabby, but also i imagine he was lovely sometimes and so i hope you are OK. for truth. let me know if there is anything i can do. also i am really glad you and marc are so moony for each other, that is the best.
    mostly i hope you are good. i think you are graduating in 2014? and i am super proud of you.
    Tagged #gifts