one time, post-miscarriage, i cried for an entire flight from los angeles to new york. no one seemed to notice, except for the little girl sitting next to me, who offered me a piece of her candy bar.
Chris Kraus approves of your tumblr.
thank you for the “I’m looking at you Kara” tag :)
in the 10 days between valentine’s day and this weekend’s trip i have gotten two manicures, one pedicure, one keratin treatment, a haircut, a bikini wax, and a lash tint. i also bought a four-piece lingerie set that i described to two friends as “tawny kitaen in a whitesnake video,” but not (yet) a new bikini.
last night we went to dinner and then for drinks at one of the three places we went on our second date, and talked about that for awhile, and then about marriage, and marc said something about how the idea of real commitment is appealing, not just because he likes contracts, and then, maybe, about the attempt to make a thing different from other things, or maybe i was the one who said that. he also said something, kind of, about how even though i am the one who wants kids, he can see the ways in which that experience adds something to a relationship, except that isn’t nearly as elegant as what he said, or at least what he evoked.
i have a terrible memory, but later, when we were falling asleep, i was thinking about how archiving, for me, was always really a placeholder for ambiance.
marc bought me sunglasses for valentine’s day. (also an orchid: “it’s vaginal.”)
aliza is sticking to her original advice, which is that i just need to buy new lingerie (“you’ll give him your body”). i told someone repeatedly to break up with her boyfriend, as i have since the third month they were dating, which was a long time ago. aliza and i got up to kiss her goodbye and we were like “DUMP HIM.” i said “your life will be so much better, look at me.” also i recently found out that someone else i encouraged to break up with their boyfriend did, in fact, do so, and even gave me a little bit of credit for this. #movement work. we also continued to discuss how sweet it was when barbara teared up as we were discussing feminist marxism and suggested we do a “sensual marx” issue (YES). we were also talking about how all of our professors always have so much faith in us, despite our late papers and random personal life fuck-ups, and someone said it’s not like that in the real world. aliza countered that it kind of IS like that in the real world and i told my story about how when i interviewed at sunday styles the editor did not realize that i already worked at the times and was surprised that i brought a resume. he also possibly didn’t interview anyone else for the job even though i had never written or edited a newspaper story before. i brought in this one clip and he looked at it and said “i think we ripped this idea off of you” and i said “you did” and then he hired me. i also noted that basically everyone in performance studies is scorpio or scorpio rising and someone said “performance studies = sex.” i feel like a lot of other important things were said but i need to go shopping before i lose motivation and decide to stay in bed.