dating blog 2k12

  • people told me who they wanted to set me up with 
  • people told me who their boyfriends or husbands wanted to set me up with but it was a terrible idea (funnier) 
  • a happily (?) married guy with two children told me that the number one rule is not to date anyone who you are embarrassed by or for and i was like “all i do is date people i am embarrassed by or for” and he was like “this is dating 101” and i was like “i went to an all-girls high school and a college with no men and then i had a boyfriend for 10 years and then dated the only straight man i knew” and he was like “this is dating 101” and i was like “this is great advice, thank you” and friended him on facebook though i am a facebook user ultra-lite
  • i have a new understanding of my high humiliation tolerance 
  • “does he ever write about serious things?” “he writes about the things we wrote about ten years ago” 

23 May 2012 / 11 notes / humiliation 

leonineantiheroine: Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery (1997), p. 188. practically everything i said in the last week, not even that differently:  there were a lot of trauma studies people in my various classes but trauma theory creeps me out because of aesthetics (“indestructible inner life”) and assumptions about subjectivity. although i kind of like the 90swoman familiarity in a sort of “my mom would have this book next to her bed” kind of way. i’m used to talking about radical vulnerability, not bodily integrity, although i am interested in reassembling—or maybe just assembling—a body. tumblr and photo booth are crucial.  “generations,” i know, see: queer theory.  i don’t know if the telling of the trauma story inevitably plunges the survivor into profound grief. (though all the therapists wanted to note that the end of the relationship didn’t happen until i started talking about phil’s death in therapy. but.)  which trauma is the trauma and how many survivors are there?  i am in no danger of resisting mourning out of pride, it’s possible i take pride in mourning, though pride is so gross, i prefer the commitment to being casual. anyway, that idea is really good, i can see its allure, and i don’t know if any of the literary trauma theory i’ve read accounts for it. luckily there are heavily aestheticized mourning practices. we could call “reframing” “misreading” and i would like this better.  i am still not into that new fiona apple song because i do not, in fact, want to feel everything, i already did and it sucked. however: feeling as an act of resistance, including revolutionary hysteria 

leonineantiheroine:

Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery (1997), p. 188.

practically everything i said in the last week, not even that differently: 

  1. there were a lot of trauma studies people in my various classes but trauma theory creeps me out because of aesthetics (“indestructible inner life”) and assumptions about subjectivity.
  2. although i kind of like the 90swoman familiarity in a sort of “my mom would have this book next to her bed” kind of way.
  3. i’m used to talking about radical vulnerability, not bodily integrity, although i am interested in reassembling—or maybe just assembling—a body. tumblr and photo booth are crucial. 
  4. “generations,” i know, see: queer theory. 
  5. i don’t know if the telling of the trauma story inevitably plunges the survivor into profound grief. (though all the therapists wanted to note that the end of the relationship didn’t happen until i started talking about phil’s death in therapy. but.) 
  6. which trauma is the trauma and how many survivors are there? 
  7. i am in no danger of resisting mourning out of pride, it’s possible i take pride in mourning, though pride is so gross, i prefer the commitment to being casual. anyway, that idea is really good, i can see its allure, and i don’t know if any of the literary trauma theory i’ve read accounts for it. luckily there are heavily aestheticized mourning practices.
  8. we could call “reframing” “misreading” and i would like this better. 
  9. i am still not into that new fiona apple song because i do not, in fact, want to feel everything, i already did and it sucked. however: feeling as an act of resistance, including revolutionary hysteria 

after 2 years, 3 breakups, and and several false starts, i finally finished “i love dick”

emily left it behind for me that weekend i stayed in her apartment (may 28-30, 2010) and i didn’t read it. i bought it last summer and couldn’t read it, at least not all of it. i read it. i didn’t know—truly—that there would be hannah wilke and schizophrenia at the end. i’m ready to talk about it now. 

"the violence is all the more obscene by being thus aestheticized and aestheticizing its own dehumanization."

shoshana felman, testimony: crises of witnessing in literature, psychoanalysis, and history 

more adventures in (attempts at) humiliation

  • kj: i just had one more thought about our (not actually) humiliating activities
  • which we are doing while under house arrest
  • a phenomenological explanation
  • like we are trying to extend our bodies in space
  • i dont know if this is true but i like the idea of it
  • as: oh i really like that!!!
  • it's like we are insisting on our presence by extending it--colonizing, kind of, or growing (not in a metaphysical but purely physical sense)
  • and if you think about it, growth and colonization are both very embarrassing activities

adventures in (not actually feeling even though you're trying to) humiliation

  • as: i know it is embarrassing to keep doing this, but i worry that is the exact reason i feel so compelled
  • kj: there is adventure in humiliation.
  • as: that is totally it the embarrassment is weird because it is more something i know is there to be felt but don't quite feel it for real
  • kj: yes, i feel exactly that about the embarrassment. like, i keep provoking or tumblring or whatever being like "maybe i will feel it" and i feel a twinge of something, but im not really embarrassed, more just interested in experiencing some feeling that is next to or a feeling removed from embarrassment.
  • deleuzean counter-actualization?
  • like the ballet dancer, the artist, who, like, fake feels it, yes? "the identification with a difference." maybe this is what we are doing with our humiliation. its about aestheticizing but maybe something else, too.
  • as: yes to the counteractualization to aestheticizing it, faking it, etc. instead of feeling it straight-fowardly and to doing

"i’ve always hated april fools, the day to humiliate, to have a prank, to make fun of, a mockery - to shame - to denigrate - children in families - to be put in a trusting position and then laughed at - a laughingstock."

karen finley, “the american chestnut” (via i-married-a-lama)

1 Apr 2012 / Reblogged from i-married-a-lama with 11 notes / humiliation 

(muscovite) jenny holzer, selections from the living series, 1989

(muscovite)

jenny holzer, selections from the living series, 1989

kiwilovesphotography:

Song of the Day - Fiona Apple - Sleep to Dream

i told jon that my high school boyfriend and i had made plans to see tori amos right before he died; in all the years since the car accident i could never bring myself to see her. but i asked jon if he would go with me when she was in new york. he said “of course” or maybe “of course, baby.” then a few weeks later he excitedly informed me that he was going to new orleans with his friends that weekend. i gave him some sort of redbook-inspired “but i’m disappointed, i thought…” and he was like “we can go see tori amos in a different city” and “i can’t believe you want me to cancel a trip with my friends!” i never said that, i would never have said that, but i did say a lot of other things later that night when we broke up. 

fiona apple tickets went on sale today and i didn’t even try to get them through ticketmaster—always a waste of time—i just went to stubhub like i had seen him do and paid the $200 that no grad student should be spending, and whatever, i’m not even going to worry about it. i am totally psyched. the first line of this song really says it all, doesn’t it? “i have never been so insulted in all my life” is pretty apt, too. i mean, i definitely haven’t been. 

bagofshit: whiskeyrobot: inothernews: Here’s Miranda Lambert, a.k.a. rage-broccoli Chris Brown’s worst nightmare. (Photo: Danielle Bowers / Facebook via the New York Daily News) OOMGGGGGGGGGG ANNAANNAANNAANNA (“Miranda Lambert is my Queen.” ~ actual thing I said to Claire last night) could miranda be more perfect? signs point to no. she is the hottest in every way. i listen to “hell on heels” and “gunpowder and lead” like, always, and you should, too. 

bagofshit:

whiskeyrobot:

inothernews:

Here’s Miranda Lambert, a.k.a. rage-broccoli Chris Brown’s worst nightmare.

(Photo: Danielle Bowers / Facebook via the New York Daily News)

OOMGGGGGGGGGG

ANNA
ANNA
ANNA
ANNA

(“Miranda Lambert is my Queen.” ~ actual thing I said to Claire last night)

could miranda be more perfect? signs point to no.

she is the hottest in every way. i listen to “hell on heels” and “gunpowder and lead” like, always, and you should, too.